Are you afraid of loneliness? Getting out of the comfort zone helps
Scientific studies have shown that loneliness has the same effect on the body as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and when I read that, I officially decided to join the millennial statistics because I definitely don’t want to be chronically lonely, writes Stefanie Groner for Yahoo.
- But everyone experiences loneliness differently. Loneliness is a subjective feeling defined by the amount and type of relationships you need in your life. Social isolation due to the pandemic heightened the feeling of fear, but something special happened because of it. Now there is less sense of shame because of loneliness as we are all forced to be alone - explained loneliness specialist Kyla Sokoll - Ward.
But it is in this pandemic crisis that the feeling of loneliness can be even stronger, so mental health specialists explained why people are afraid of loneliness and how to deal with it.
Why are we afraid to be alone?
People strive for intimacy, and in times like these it is especially hard to find. According to the results of a survey conducted in 2019 by the insurance company Cigna, as many as 61 percent of respondents felt lonely. The reasons given are lack of social support, too little significant social contacts, difficult physical or mental health condition and insufficient balance in life. Most of us are lonely for a variety of reasons, and the foundations of that feeling are still in prehistory.
- From prehistoric times in the very beginnings of civilization, loneliness has been a biological incentive to stay in the tribe where you were protected. Before that, it was described only as loneliness - explains Ben Pleat, the founder of Cobu. He says the word “loneliness” only appeared 200 years ago.
- Boredom and loneliness are feelings that only the bourgeoisie could afford because the workers always had too much to do. That somehow changed over time, so we linked being alone with loneliness. When we are alone, we are lonely - continues Skoll - Ward.
In this sense, we have created a society in which the fear of being alone prevails. We live alone in small one-bedroom apartments. So while the physical features of being alone are obvious, Sokoll-Ward points out that people can feel even in a crowd. The same goes for romantic relationships, so research has shown that 60 percent of those married often feel lonely. The fear of loneliness was not helped by the portraits of women living alone.
- The television shows we watch and the books we read in rare situations celebrate characters who are alone because they chose to. At a time when young men are starting a family, there are few who choose to stay alone, especially when it comes to women. And even then, they are portrayed with feelings of regret or guilt - claims the founder of the psychological help page Alyssa Petersel.
In addition, the media often characterizes loneliness as a combination of unfortunate circumstances that is a bit embarrassing, but always depressing and pitiful. In loneliness, it is also inconvenient that it is a vicious circle, so you feel isolated if you are lonely, which leads to even deeper feelings of loneliness.
- By its nature, loneliness tells us that something is wrong with us and that no one else feels that way. I want to change the way we experience loneliness because it is a natural feeling that is an integral part of all of us - explains Sokoll-Ward.
How to deal with loneliness?
"The more we choose to ignore loneliness, the more it will return to our thoughts and block the possibility of being who we are," Sokoll-Ward said, adding that there are ways we can deal with the fear of loneliness.
1. Take advantage of solitude for quality time spent with yourself
- If I reach one percent of myself every day, even if only for five minutes, that's great - advises Sokoll-Ward, who has been meditating every day for five years. There are also free audio courses on the Internet that will help you cope with loneliness through ten-minute lessons, and you can also get free meditations that will alleviate anxiety.
Lonely people live shorter lives
2. Find joy
- Remember the time when you were young and ask yourself what made you happy then. As we grow up, such emotions are overshadowed by productivity, so we exercise not only because it’s a good feeling, but also because it helps our better appearance. To combat loneliness, forget about productivity and turn to something that genuinely makes you happy, like baking cakes, drawing and similar activities. Although it may seem childish to you, it can inspire a spark of joy that you forgot about a long time ago - advises Petersel.
3. Be a good neighbor
Staying at home due to the pandemic has forced many to create good neighborly relations, and so it should continue. Be among the first to offer help when needed. If you are creative and open, you can also give your neighbor your phone number, introduce yourself, tell him what your hobbies and interests are. Bring them a cake you baked or offer to hop to the grocery store for them. With such small acts of kindness you will feel better, and this can also lead to making real friendships.
4. Call a friend
When you are lonely, pick up the phone and call a friend.
“The stigma that you shouldn’t call others when you feel lonely is wrong, and it’s very likely that the person you’re calling will be happy that someone needs them and helping you will make their body release dopamine so they will also feel better,” Pleat says.
- The way we address others is important. When we call someone with the question “What’s up?”, The conversation quickly subsides. Rather try the approach, "I'm having a bad day and I'd like to talk to you if you have half an hour. This will give your friend a lot more room to talk - advises Sokoll-Ward.
5. Talk to a complete stranger
If you open up to someone outside of your social circle, it will help you bridge your sense of vulnerability. We live in the digital age and with hundreds of apps that can connect you with strangers around the world to easily discuss common interests.
Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you.
There are also such apps where you will talk for free with trained volunteers who will simply listen to you.
6. Talk to a professional
Therapy can be tailored to all the financial, business and communication styles of individuals, and if you find a therapist to help you feel better, there is no greater reward.
“Explore the options available to you so that it is not just a small part of your journey, but understand therapy as the beginning of a process of accepting loneliness and the fears that arise from it,” says Petersel.
Ultimately, there are a number of psychological helplines where professionals work on and they can guide you with advice or help you start working on your problem.
Read some of my other posts:
Subscribe to my blog on the top you of your screen and receive alerts each time I publish a new post.
Recommended books to start your Stoic Journey.
Comments
Post a Comment