Would you like to be happy all the time? It's not as great as it sounds
We must learn how to desire what we have and come to terms with what we do not have in order to find stability and happiness, the Dalai Lama wrote in his book The Art of Achieving Happiness.
For some, happiness is money, for others love, for the sick health, and for the lazy fun, but what is the same for everyone are the chemical reactions that take place in the body in moments of happiness.
But what is wrong, psychologists claim, is the thinking of modern people and their idea of the ‘right to happiness’. Thus happiness becomes the supreme ideal, and the desire is to be happy all the time. Positive psychology, a field born about 25 years ago, has often been ‘accused’ of perpetuating the myth that being happy is all it takes for a good life. But ‘positive’ does not make us all happy, writes Psychology Today.
In fact, Martin Seligman, credited with founding positive psychology, defined the field as the study of optimal human functioning, not necessarily just the study of happiness. And for us to function optimally in our lives, it’s not a great idea to be in bliss all the time, and for two very good reasons:
1. Happiness and meaning are not synonymous
Take a moment and consider what experiences, actions, and relationships make your life worth living. If you are like most people, your answers will fall into two general categories, what psychologists call ‘hedonistic’ and ‘eudaimonistic’.
The first refers to pleasures - great food, sex, sleep and the like, while the second category includes what is associated with personal meaning and purpose (living according to our values, completing an important life project or making a change in the world in some way).
The reason this difference is important is that sometimes the things that matter most to us are not pleasant, whether we are talking about hard work, keeping promises even when it’s hard, acknowledging the truth when we make mistakes, or saying goodbye to someone we love.
On the other hand, many enjoyable experiences don’t really make sense, like overeating while staying up all night watching the latest series - which makes us tired and obese rather than happy.
2. Negative emotions can make life better
While most of us may want to feel happy all the time, research shows that negative feelings, while uncomfortable, can sometimes be good for us. Anxiety and fear can protect us from potential threats. Guilt can motivate us to change when we have done something wrong, allowing us to preserve our most significant relationships
Even anger can be helpful. In one study, researchers asked participants to play the role of a seller and negotiate with a buyer. Their task was to sell a bunch of cell phones to a customer (who they believed was another participant like them, but was actually an actor) at the highest possible price. The better agreement they managed to reach, the greater the reward awaited them in the real world at the end of the experiment. Some participants believed that the customer was angry at them, while others of the actors got the impression that they were happy as customers.
The results were clear. Participants who thought they were dealing with an angry customer were offered cell phones with a discount of more than 30 percent compared to participants who thought they were dealing with a happy customer.
Remember this the next time you dispute an unfair bill you receive from your operator. Of course, there is a difference between feelings of anger and violent behavior. There is also a big difference between experiencing negative emotions in healthy, manageable amounts and having them take over. Ultimately, without negative emotions and states, how could we even appreciate the beautiful ones and what would we have to compare them to?
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